Broken

I'm physically and mentally drain from all these emotions flowing through my body. I'm so broken to the point where I don't know which direction to turn to. So confused and lost. I trusted him to hold onto my heart and be gentle with it, but instead he dropped it. 

I want to move on from this situation. Strike four and I'm still here? How pathetic am I to keep on giving him chances. How many time do I have to hurt myself to realize that it's just me who is hurting. If he cared, he wouldn't repeat the problems. This is becoming a dilemma. 

Is it worth it? 

I've been asking myself that question for the past few days. 

How will this situation get better? 

Only time will tell. 

I want to continue to love him, but once I put my guard down... he will have the mind set that it is okay to do what he did all over again. It's not right. I thought finally in my life, I found someone different. To love me and be truthful to me. That's one of the main things I cannot stand... is being lied to. Losing my trust is something really hard to gain back. Therefore, I hope it was all worth it for him to lie to me. 

This is the part where we recover. 

I fucked up. You fucked up. But don’t ever say I didn’t love you. That’s all I ever did.

—	And you’re the one who left What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for, and to do it so unconsciously. —  Haruki Murakami